January 19, 2007
A letter I wrote to a friend, thought I share it.
Since my mother died in 2002, I have been having a hard time, mentally. I know God can heal you, but he also gives the docs meds to help. There were many prophets depressed, including King David. No, they didn't have the meds, but they were so close to God. Probably more than I ever will be. I still love Jesus, but I don't go to church. The churches here lack life, just like the people who live here. The Indians wouldn't settle in this valley. They called it the Valley of Death. There is a lot of cancer here and children born w/deformities and mental retardation. Excuse me developmental disabilities, they don't like the word retard here, like it's not in the dictionary and that NY is backwards because they still use it. I work in the field and if you read the clients records it states that they are mentally retarded. I got in a big thing about this at work. I will explain that another time.
So we went to NY for my mother's funeral. We drove Bill's conversion van, so that we would have room to bring back my brother Dave. When we got there, they had Dave hid at some one's house and I did not see him until the funeral. Bud and Harold would not let him out of their sight. Too make a long story short, we came home to Montana without Dave. They wanted or needed to live off his SSI. A month later my Aunt Dorthy called and said Dave was at the house with no food or money because Bud and Harold were drinking up the money. That aunt just died about 8 months ago. So I talked to John and he said he would come out on the train with Dave.
Dave got here August '02. I was getting ready to go to my last year of college. I was working the night shift and going to college in Glendive, that is 50 miles away every day. I graduated in May 2003 with an Associates degree/arts and science/human services. Still work at the same job, getting the same pay. In this small town it is hard to get a job. Case management requires a bachelors degree.
Dawn was going to the college with me and sometimes she did it online. She graduated when I did. She got a business degree. Her father, Bruce died a couple of years ago of a heart attack.
Nate and Laura were going to college the same time. Nate got his bachelor's degree in computer networking and his working with the state of NY. He has a son Jacob, and a set of twins, Lucas and Elizabeth.Nate's wife's name is Margaret. By the way John's mom, Nate and Laura's grandmother died a year and a half ago. Laura is graduating this May. She is getting a Master's degree/speech pathology. Laura's boyfriend lives outside of Boston and she is moving in with him so she can do her internship somewhere around there. They have been dating since H.S. She is so glad that she is getting out of Ithaca college. I think it's been six years.
So all my children are doing good. Dawn is living in Texas and has 4 kids. Austin, Tessa, Bruce, and Brandy. Her husband's name is Chantz.
So anyways during all this that is going on I have been going through depression. Two years ago, I had Bill take me to Williston, ND to the Mental Services and got admitted for a few days. I felt like I was losing control. It turns out it was one of my meds-cymbalta. It was very hard to get off that antidepressants. It was one of the scariest times of my life.
I had blow up at work with one of my co-workers while I was on this drug before I got hospitalized. I had to take a 2 1/2 week leave of absence from work and put on 6 months probation. I was also hurt at the group home 2004 when I was getting something for a client under his bed, while I was bending, he opened handed hit me on my tailbone. To make a long story short I was put on lifting restrictions of not lifting more than 25 lbs. Workman's comp said I was 7% disabled. The executive director did not want me to be alone at the group home so she sent me up to the shop. That was when all my problems began. That is where I had my breakdown while I was on the cymbalta. Every body is so clickish here and a lot of two faced people and they were really bad at the shop.
My brother Dave goes to the workshop and does box runs and a couple of days a week he cleans office buildings with a job coach. He pays us rent. He always has some money on him and goes shopping or out to eat by himself. He is getting somewhat independent. Some of my problems at the workshop were because of Dave and how they did not follow his programs and let him do what he wants.
Well to shorten some of this last august on my birthday I was terminated because they said they could not accommodate my restrictions any more.i was off probation already for six months. I have worked there for the past 8 yrs and 5 yrs before I had moved back to NY and then we moved back here.
I had been out of work for 3 days with back pain and could barely walk. I went to the ER and they gave me an MRI. I called work after I had the MRI and told Tami, my supervisor that I would be in around 11 am. I was waiting for the Valium to wear off. I had to have it for the MRI machine, can't stand closed places and Bill had to go in there with me. Tami, said "I have to talk to Cindy(the ex. director) and I will call you back. So Cindy calls me and tells me " That this isn't going to work anymore. We can't accommodate your restrictions. She said you can get workman's comp or unemployment insurance. I was devastated. I love the guys I work with(clients) not staff.
The next day I went in there to get my things. I was wearing my sunglasses so the clients couldn't see I was crying. Just as I was leaving, Bill was with me, Edith, one of the clients, who remembers every one's birthday had all the clients sing happy birthday to me. I lost it and said real loud "I can't take this". I went outside and I was sobbing, a co-worker came out and was trying to calm me down.
Bill said that while I was crying that Cindy came outside and walked behind the buses to see if anybody was seeing me crying. Bill looked at her and said" Are you happy now".
I collected workman's comp from late August to December 4. They had me go to one of their doctors, who of course, said I was at maxium recovery and could go back to work with my restrictions.They stopped my checks. So I applied for unemployment insurance and did not get a check until January. I made more money on workman's comp than unemployment. I have been applying for jobs. Cindy said about my reference she wouldn't say anything except that I worked there. I told her that is a bad reference. All my co-workers said I was a good worker and in the last year had miss time because of medical problems and that I should not of been fired.
It is hard to find work when you have restrictions. I have never been so hurt or humiliated in my life.
I go to mental health day treatment now. I have to go to counseling at least once a month so that I can get my antidepressants paid for. I just pay a $12 co-pay. I go two to three days a week. I am making a "Around the World" quilt. One to the workers there is helping me and showing me all kinds of short cuts.
I am slowly coming out of my depression. It has been a hard couple of years. Especially the last six months. Also Bud died 2 years ago in a car accident. Harold's wife Nancy (Dingman) died of breast cancer January 2006. She was Bill Dingman's daughter. My brother Richard's girlfriend, Jill of many years died last week because of breast cancer that had travelled to her brain. I am proud of both my brothers because they stood by and took care of their wives through the whole thing with the help of hospice. They both said it was one of the most tragic things they had to go through.
So this is my long story.
(A lot of you know some of this already, it is a letter to Diane, a friend of mine from NY. I have know her since 1979.)
Comments:
How is diane doing? I didn't know your aubt died, btw, or your brothers girlfriend. odd that they both got breast cancer. that sucks!
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So we went to NY for my mother's funeral. We drove Bill's conversion van, so that we would have room to bring back my brother Dave. When we got there, they had Dave hid at some one's house and I did not see him until the funeral. Bud and Harold would not let him out of their sight. Too make a long story short, we came home to Montana without Dave. They wanted or needed to live off his SSI. A month later my Aunt Dorthy called and said Dave was at the house with no food or money because Bud and Harold were drinking up the money. That aunt just died about 8 months ago. So I talked to John and he said he would come out on the train with Dave.
Dave got here August '02. I was getting ready to go to my last year of college. I was working the night shift and going to college in Glendive, that is 50 miles away every day. I graduated in May 2003 with an Associates degree/arts and science/human services. Still work at the same job, getting the same pay. In this small town it is hard to get a job. Case management requires a bachelors degree.
Dawn was going to the college with me and sometimes she did it online. She graduated when I did. She got a business degree. Her father, Bruce died a couple of years ago of a heart attack.
Nate and Laura were going to college the same time. Nate got his bachelor's degree in computer networking and his working with the state of NY. He has a son Jacob, and a set of twins, Lucas and Elizabeth.Nate's wife's name is Margaret. By the way John's mom, Nate and Laura's grandmother died a year and a half ago. Laura is graduating this May. She is getting a Master's degree/speech pathology. Laura's boyfriend lives outside of Boston and she is moving in with him so she can do her internship somewhere around there. They have been dating since H.S. She is so glad that she is getting out of Ithaca college. I think it's been six years.
So all my children are doing good. Dawn is living in Texas and has 4 kids. Austin, Tessa, Bruce, and Brandy. Her husband's name is Chantz.
So anyways during all this that is going on I have been going through depression. Two years ago, I had Bill take me to Williston, ND to the Mental Services and got admitted for a few days. I felt like I was losing control. It turns out it was one of my meds-cymbalta. It was very hard to get off that antidepressants. It was one of the scariest times of my life.
I had blow up at work with one of my co-workers while I was on this drug before I got hospitalized. I had to take a 2 1/2 week leave of absence from work and put on 6 months probation. I was also hurt at the group home 2004 when I was getting something for a client under his bed, while I was bending, he opened handed hit me on my tailbone. To make a long story short I was put on lifting restrictions of not lifting more than 25 lbs. Workman's comp said I was 7% disabled. The executive director did not want me to be alone at the group home so she sent me up to the shop. That was when all my problems began. That is where I had my breakdown while I was on the cymbalta. Every body is so clickish here and a lot of two faced people and they were really bad at the shop.
My brother Dave goes to the workshop and does box runs and a couple of days a week he cleans office buildings with a job coach. He pays us rent. He always has some money on him and goes shopping or out to eat by himself. He is getting somewhat independent. Some of my problems at the workshop were because of Dave and how they did not follow his programs and let him do what he wants.
Well to shorten some of this last august on my birthday I was terminated because they said they could not accommodate my restrictions any more.i was off probation already for six months. I have worked there for the past 8 yrs and 5 yrs before I had moved back to NY and then we moved back here.
I had been out of work for 3 days with back pain and could barely walk. I went to the ER and they gave me an MRI. I called work after I had the MRI and told Tami, my supervisor that I would be in around 11 am. I was waiting for the Valium to wear off. I had to have it for the MRI machine, can't stand closed places and Bill had to go in there with me. Tami, said "I have to talk to Cindy(the ex. director) and I will call you back. So Cindy calls me and tells me " That this isn't going to work anymore. We can't accommodate your restrictions. She said you can get workman's comp or unemployment insurance. I was devastated. I love the guys I work with(clients) not staff.
The next day I went in there to get my things. I was wearing my sunglasses so the clients couldn't see I was crying. Just as I was leaving, Bill was with me, Edith, one of the clients, who remembers every one's birthday had all the clients sing happy birthday to me. I lost it and said real loud "I can't take this". I went outside and I was sobbing, a co-worker came out and was trying to calm me down.
Bill said that while I was crying that Cindy came outside and walked behind the buses to see if anybody was seeing me crying. Bill looked at her and said" Are you happy now".
I collected workman's comp from late August to December 4. They had me go to one of their doctors, who of course, said I was at maxium recovery and could go back to work with my restrictions.They stopped my checks. So I applied for unemployment insurance and did not get a check until January. I made more money on workman's comp than unemployment. I have been applying for jobs. Cindy said about my reference she wouldn't say anything except that I worked there. I told her that is a bad reference. All my co-workers said I was a good worker and in the last year had miss time because of medical problems and that I should not of been fired.
It is hard to find work when you have restrictions. I have never been so hurt or humiliated in my life.
I go to mental health day treatment now. I have to go to counseling at least once a month so that I can get my antidepressants paid for. I just pay a $12 co-pay. I go two to three days a week. I am making a "Around the World" quilt. One to the workers there is helping me and showing me all kinds of short cuts.
I am slowly coming out of my depression. It has been a hard couple of years. Especially the last six months. Also Bud died 2 years ago in a car accident. Harold's wife Nancy (Dingman) died of breast cancer January 2006. She was Bill Dingman's daughter. My brother Richard's girlfriend, Jill of many years died last week because of breast cancer that had travelled to her brain. I am proud of both my brothers because they stood by and took care of their wives through the whole thing with the help of hospice. They both said it was one of the most tragic things they had to go through.
So this is my long story.
(A lot of you know some of this already, it is a letter to Diane, a friend of mine from NY. I have know her since 1979.)
Comments:
How is diane doing? I didn't know your aubt died, btw, or your brothers girlfriend. odd that they both got breast cancer. that sucks!
